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Day 33: Thursday

Always feel like an absolute failure of an adult when I miss recycling day.
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You know you've got a bit too obsessed with the Tudors when you wake up and think a black pair of leggings and a white dress thrown on your chairdrobe are the head of Henry VII.

Day 32: Wednesday

Needed a bit of a pause. There's something uplifting and normalising about constantly taking the piss out of yourself and laughing objectively at the oddness of your situation, but there's something a bit draining too. Plus it was the Easter holidays and mumma deserved a veg.

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Back in the WFH routine is mildly, dare I say, enjoyable? Still hate making phone calls but enjoying all the online feedback and creating a ridiculous amount of Twitter accounts for my multiple personalities.
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Funny to think have completed a full menstrual cycle during lockdown. Another month, another 19th-century-Spanish-style mourning for the undead.

Day 22: Easter Sunday

Harder to write everyday at the moment. Sometimes because I'm happily in the moment, sometimes because I'm a little sad.

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Woke up today feeling a bit shitty again - probably the first ever Easter Sunday I've sent not with my family. Decorated an egg on Skype with them last night in a measly attempt to replicate tradition, but F wouldn't join in - it's hard to connect with him at the moment.

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Decided it was too gorgeous and calm a day to not take advantage of the water. Still unsure about the rules round sea-swimming and paddleboarding, but urged on by those I saw already out and in the water, I suited up and manhandled my 10-footer downstairs. Didn't manage too much standing-up - and lost another pair of sunglasses to a watery grave (is that four over the course of my lifetime? Not too bad if so) - but my bingo wings feel worked out and my shoulders ache in a good way; my body feels tired like it hasn't in a while. Knee-paddling underneath the pier is so…

Day 19: possibly Thursday

Bugger, missed the recycling. Another week, another transparent bag showing me all the materialistic crap I relentlessly consume day-in-day-out. Also lube packaging.

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Woke up in the middle of the night and got up, had a roast potato sandwich and read about the Romans. Time is a social construct; I defeated the night.

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Vibrator arrived a full week early! Quite scared of it.

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Not so scared of it now.

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Another lazy day, no energy for life. Sapped from me at the moment, which I know is OK. The drive to be productive is unnecessary and ultimately just a distraction from the weltschmerz of the current time. Nevertheless, made a video of myself singing a reworked version of Toto's Africa for LP's birthday, featuring several props, including a courgette phallus.

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Time for balcony 'reading' (falling asleep in sun whilst looking at phone).

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Relaxing into this whole Netflix and chill business. Nice to make some calls and eat too much spaghetti. We had fireworks for the NHS, …

Day 18: Wednesday

Woke up from a Harry Potter dream to another bloody headache. Is it just latent stress and tension? Awkward neck positioning? I don't ever feel comfortable. Need to find comfort on the sofa.

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Stomach pains from yesterday's Joe Wicks.
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Beautiful day but old paddleboard instructor said we're probably not allowed to go out boarding, and everything I've read online suggests no sea swimming either. Feeling pretty crap about the situation, especially now I know I'll only be here a few more months. Don't want to sit around moping all day, but equally, quite tempting. It comes and it goes.
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Flowers have opened though. Deepak and Oprah say hope is the #1 sign of wellbeing.

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Just made my mum cry on Skype, so that's fun. Today is a pile of shit.

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Maybe I just needed a big old fat cry. Haven't really had one since this all began, not properly, and there is something about sobbing uncontrollably that does seem to put me back in touch with myself. Rang F and he…

Day 17: Tuesday

In school today. A child asked me if I'd heard of a singer called Meatloaf. At one point, a pigeon got into the boys' toilets.

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Actually lovely to spend time with kids just being kids and not having to conform to our relentless curriculum expectations of them. Walking and talking, crafting, exercising: so nice.

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Tesco on way home a different experience. Queue down the sides of the retail park; shirty off-duty policeman having a go at some non-confrontational guy for standing a bit too close. Unpleasant vibe in Tesco with staff getting a bit shirty about one-way system. Bumped into N, a TA from work, which was nice, especially because I never normally remember his name, but now I do because it was on his name label. Made me a bit sad that he has to have two jobs.

Day 16: Monday

Too much to consider - conflict comedown, job interview, counselling, phone calls, late-night flirting. Not a day for blogging; a day for processing.